You know more than you think you do

© Jenn Shallvey

You know more than you think you do.

What is knowing?  Is knowing about acquiring information, retaining it and then using it? Or is knowing about more than that?

When we think we are in our head. The head is the place of processing, integrating thoughts, retrieval, consciousness, understanding. It is our uniqueness as human beings that we can be in a place of awareness within our self. The power and potential of the part of us that thinks is unlimited.

Such a place within though can be our default and thus become our only place. We become ones who think therefore I am. When there is so much more to existence than what goes on in our heads.  You may sense that this post is putting down thinking. Not at all. It is simply offering a more expansive way of being in the world.

What you do is also part of this statement. Thoughts precede action. What we think can be linked directly to what we do in other words our behaviour. Much of our humanistic psychology focuses on this link. It goes beyond to link our internal thoughts about our self, our self concept, to then what we think to then what we do, ie how we behave.  

In a simplistic world we may only look at the outside. It is easy to just observe a person, see what they do and make assumptions, right? How often are you caught out in conversation or even just your own thoughts seeing a person behave a certain way and then make a judgement or assessment on the spot about the whole person. We all do. It is a learned behaviour of society. You have to work really hard to unlearn this one. You can.

Observable behaviour is also objective. In the world of business this is the domain of performance management, development and assessments. If you can see it you can verify it. If you can verfiy it then it is safe to cite without misinterpretation.  I used to teach for many years performance management training. A key aspect of the messaging back then was to only report on observable behaviour. I used to say that if it was open to misinterpretation, based on assumptions, not something you could use in court then it had no place on a person’s feedback report. What mattered is that others could also see.

I also used to do work in development centres. The entire process was designed to objectively observe behaviours and map them to agreed behavioural indicators of a variety of competencies. The work was powerful in that many times we do not see what others see. So as a development tool I still agree with such feedback, when done in the spirit of purely helping and supporting a person’s development.  Being measured against a set of behaviours though will depend on how well those measures really represent behaviour. Because the choice of competency can be universal usually such measures are applicable in general. Sometimes though cultural biases both of organisations and leadership will shape the priority of some behaviour over others.  

Having moved on from working in such fields and doing this type of work with companies I now see a deeper journey.  I would say that getting behavioural based feedback is a foundation. It gives you insight into how you do your work in all ways.  It is a start for understanding the impact and nature of your actions within groups and in doing your work. Lets call it the outside - in approach. As a starting place it is a useful development step.

Yet when we only look at what you do we miss a bit.  The surface is just that, the surface.  When you look below the surface you see much more. The metaphor of the iceberg is often thrown around in motivational talks and such. I lost count over the years how many people used that analogy.  It serves a point in that the idea is that what you see with an iceberg is only a fraction of the whole iceberg.  In human terms what you see on the outside in our way of presenting to the world is just a part too.  I agree and disagree with this simple analogy.  On one hand I absolutely agree that there is so much more to us than what a person can see.  Then I also believe that as we grow and develop there is an increasing sense of alignment from within to the person we are on the outside. For one who is on the personal growth journey towards greater authenticity the ratio will shift.  Why?  In my observation the more we bring to the surface of our own awareness and consciousness the more we can process and understand our selves. As we do we clear, let go of and move through to greater balance.

In your personal development and growth you can go deeper if you want. It is up to you to choose to look within. No one else can do that for you. Others may be able to help you with more tools and questions. Yet the real initiative is from you. I would like to go back to the iceberg analogy since it works.  When you are ready to go ‘below the surface’ you will know.  This is the first learning. You will have a sense within you that comes up as curiosity. You might be noticing certain behaviours, actions etc. in your life and think to yourself I wonder why I do that. Or you might have situations present to you that give rise to questioning. Questions like what do I really want to do? or who am I? or why does this way of doing things not feel right to me anymore?  Your knowing is speaking to you now. Your inner self is poking through the surface.

You can choose to go within. You can choose to look more at who you really are in life. You can choose to learn about you, your likes, dislikes, wants. It is a starting place of discovery. I look at it like being an adventurer in your own life.  You choose to embark on the adventure. A destination may be on the horizon but not clear. The path there certainly is not. You have to trust your own self to guide you. You have to listen more to your own self to figure out where next.  This is knowing. This listening to you from within. This is a very different place than matching your thinking, behaviour and actions to external expectations.

As you can already sense the inner journey is of a different caliber. The resources come from your knowing. The direction comes from your knowing. The answers come from your knowing.  Others guide and help but do not do the work for you.  

Imagine you are about to sign up for a travel tour in a place you have not traveled.  One tour operates with a guide, predetermined stops and excursions, everything done for you from the minute you wake up to the moment your head hits the pillow at night. You don’t have to choose or make a decision. Even the meals are set.  That is one path.

At the other end is an entirely independent self directed unplanned travel expedition. You simply decide to go and the focus is only on the first stop not where you might end up.  Either choice is perfectly good. Each supports different preferences and readiness.  

What is more telling is not which one you choose but what comes up for you as I present each to you. What excites you and scares you about each. Instead of then saying you have a choice of either you really have full choice to do whatever is right for you. That is the course of life.  You may for a period in your life be comfortable and happy letting others show you the way. Then you may test out your senses and go another direction all by yourself. Then sometimes you may do a blend of both. All is perfect.  You see there is no right or wrong.  It is about readiness, willingness and ultimately choice.

To go back to the premise of this post - you know more than you think you do - consider the truth of this statement for you. How much do you believe in your own knowing? How much do you trust your own self? How much do you really listen to you?  Then with these answers you simply ask yourself is that enough for me or do I want more?  The answer to the last question will set you up for your first step.

How much do you want to know of your own knowing?

Happy travelling.