Your bubble of comfort

© Jenn Shallvey

Sometimes in life we have to choose where we want to be. This can be physically in a place or location. It can be more complex and include people dynamics and events.  The key is that as a self directing person you choose do I go or not. Do I choose this or that.

Of course you can opt out of life entirely and have no choices. Yet even that is a choice. To hide out, say no to invitations or not engage is still a choice.

My refection and question for you today is to wonder not whether your choices are right or wrong but how they serve you and others through personal growth.  Let me explain.

I don’t know you. Yet by the fact you read my blog I imagine you are an inquisitive, soulful person who asks lots of questions. I imagine you reflect and wonder about life and your journey in life. You, like me, see the ups and downs not as annoying distractions but challenges and opportunities to navigate as you grow and become more of you in this life. So already parking aside the assumption that you want to know and care lets explore.

First consider what happens for you inside. Imagine a choice or decision of recent. What happened inside of you - emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. How did you process and navigate the experience?

You could ignore the situation. This type of choice will still present you with a choice later. For unless you resolve a choice from the heart and deeply in line with your values there will be a disconnect.  Maybe you like me listen to your intuition and let it guide you. Perhaps the battle was more one of should’s and must versus how you felt guided from within.

Maybe you like me as well chose to override the intuition at times because the intuitive choice actually made you uncomfortable. Hmm… Isn’t that interesting.  Sometimes what might be the best choice for our self and others actually makes us uncomfortable.  This reaction is not our true knowing, it is either a personality defence or habitual response.

My belief in this is that we at some level know. We know where we are best in service to others and at a deep level we are telling ourself to go there. Likewise our personality tends to aim to protect us and as such will err on the side of avoidance or escape in the guise of self protection.  Being uncomfortable is not a bad thing. Yet if we can avoid it many of us will. Self preservation on a very basic level.

What if you embrace the uncomfortable. Then what happens. Think for a moment of a time when you last pushed through your comfort barriers and found out it wasn’t that bad after all. This is the learning in your life experience that shapes the willingness to go there.

Let’s put some context around the idea of comfort.  You are likely familiar with the concept of a ‘comfort zone’.  I remember many years ago teaching various personal skills and team building workshops. I used to reference in some way as a framing for the session the idea that we all would be pushing the boundaries of our comfort zone. I also would note that each person had a different sense of what these boundaries might be and so it was important to respect each other’s way of being.

Back then I simply saw the comfort zone as an imaginary boundary we set for ourself when engaging in the world.  Each individual has a different sized comfort zone based on the intersection of life experience, education, personality, guidance from others, cultural upbringing, physical living situations and so on.

Some people also actively seek to learn how to push and expand their comfort zones. Others hold tight and let it organically develop on it’s own however it does. Neither approach is wrong. In fact there is no right nor wrong. Simply a way of being with outcomes that match.

The focus then shifted to encouraging you to ‘step out of your comfort zone’ .  Working through the expansion of your comfort zone required a combination of self direction and other direction.  It also changed situationally based on both your inner state and the environment.

I now see comfort as multifaceted.  Filtered through your conscious self awareness and intent your level of comfort is unique to you. It is as much a part of who you are as a person as it is a learned and developed adaptation.

A key factor is choice.  Choice firstly in wanting to understand who you are as person and then applying this understanding in your life with an intent to experience and grow.

At another level it is about trust and safety. If you do not feel safe and do not trust where you are or are going then you are not ‘stepping out of you comfort zone’. In fact you are probably getting some inside information that is overriding.

On your own you can process the choice about what makes you comfortable and what does not.  When in a group or observed by others your choice takes on another dimension.  It is the interplay between self and other influences on our choice of being comfortable that can shift us greatly.

Sometimes what you are not ready to do based on an internal fear or other barrier can be overcome with genuine supportive group dynamics. Likewise a negative pressurising group dynamic may have the opposite affect.

What is stronger and more pervasive then is your own internal levels of comfort.  The more you work on this internal state, your own perceptions and the belief in yourself the more empowering you are with your ability to extend your comfort zone irrespective of others.

Approaching your own way of comfort is a daily and constant practice. It is not just event determined. I see it as daily as you never know what you will encounter in your day. To consciously create a boundary of comfort around you is to set your day up for more resilience and acceptance of what comes. Then you can also allow and invite more fun and enjoyment.  Then when you encounter situations that test you on a comfort level you can apply your practice to reinforce and hold strong.  To me it is like energetic hygiene that helps keep your energy in check not just your comfort levels.

There are many ways that may work for you. It is worth exploring and experimenting. My approach is just that, my approach. I have learned lots of different ways over the years. I find what works for me the most though is a coming together of intent, imagination, belief, intuition, trust, energy and feeling. Hard to express because it all just comes together. I notice also that when I do not do this I seem to be more vulnerable to triggers and can get caught off guard.

Without going into detail of the background or reasons (that is for another time) what I do is akin to consciously creating a bubble of protection around me. This is my version of a comfort zone now. Much like a bubble you see in real life it is transparent. You can not see it, you have to imagine and feel it.  I then intend that this bubble is one that not only surrounds me but it also protects me. I imagine that it is made of energy that only lets love and positive energy pass through either way.   The bubble is there all the time. I set it up each morning in a mediation before I even get out of bed.  My family even know I have to do this.  Sometimes when circumstances don’t allow this I quickly do internally. And there are times when rushed I have forgotten. Interestingly I notice my energy is more vulnerable when I forget.

What I also do is refresh my connection to my bubble when out and about during the day. I will add in my intent an extra layer of colour or something. I will tie it into a situation where I may be entering if I feel challenged or less safe.

From this brief sharing you may get a sense that there is more to my bubble than an imagined construct. That is where other aspects of my journey of experiences and learning come in. I am not here to share those nor apply them to you. However in reading this post you find the idea intriguing and would like to explore more then feel free to contact me for some exploratory mentoring to go deeper.