The gift of you

© Jenn Shallvey

Sit with the idea that you are a gift. You are a gift, an absolute gift. When you think of an absolute gift, it goes in all directions. It is not only received or given. It is multi directional and unilateral. It goes to you and from you. You are simply the anchor place for holding the gift. 

As light travels so do your thoughts and you travel. Wherever you are, your gift is present. In amongst people, animals, nature - you are always a gift.

If you choose to act with that gift, then you will make a big difference in this world. That is the situation we are all in. The gift comes to you unconditionally. It is a loving sense of who you are, and it is your choice and opportunity to project that part of you into the world for others. That is the gift. 

It is not that hard. It simply requires that we acknowledge and then share it. Yet many do not let this happen. So much of what happens in this world is harmful to others, whether intentional or unintentional. The acts of selfishness, greed, uncaring in their end result harm others, whether you see it or do not see it. Whereas the act of you giving of your kindness of the gift of you is the opposite.

To start.  First you need to sit with yourself to know your gift. Who are you? What do you do well? Why are you here? These are the kinds of questions that possibly will permeate your consciousness before you can know and give your gift. Or it may be an active reflection where you sit and you notice what it is that you do well? What is it that you enjoy? What is it that you keep passing on to others that seems to make a difference in this world? What is it that comes back to you with praise, acknowledgement or thanks? What is it that is easy, flowing and almost without effort? That is the gift within you that can be so easily shared and offered to others. Again, you are the gift. Each of you is a gift. Each person on this planet is a gift.

Gifts are given. Gifts are exchanged. Gifts are unconditional. That is the ideal, of course, because in our world, there are gifts that are unconditional, but then somehow seem to turn conditional. The gift of love in so many relationships becomes conditional. People withhold their love until they get what they want. Whether it is someone who should know better as a parent or a partner, or whether it is a child who is not yet matured and is stubbornly holding back, neither know why. 

The gift is an exchange as well - an exchange of self, talent, abilities and offering of what you can do to make a difference. As you initiate this exchange you show people what it is you do to help, then likewise, they will share theirs with you.

Imagine in this world that we live in now, if we only gave our gift and there was nobody to receive it, it would be pointless. Wouldn't it? You might feel good that you actually exercised your talent, but if you are talking or acting into an empty void and going nowhere, then it really is not doing much. Is it? 

The intention and the expectation, or the goal or aspiration, whatever you want to call it, is that your gift is received by somebody, others, nature, even the earth. There is an exchange.  Some may say that you can give your gift to places, things and people and not be acknowledged for it. This is true. But there is something that does happen.

A change occurs at the other side or end. Some body is affected.  Some thing is impacted. Your gift does go and make a difference - whether you see it, know it or not. So do you stop giving your gift because no one is telling you whether it is working? No. Do you stop giving your gift because you do not see the result that you expected? No. For your gift is unconditional at all times. You give and maybe it comes back, not right away, but sometime. You may think it does. You may exchange your gift as a part of your work, or you may exchange your gift as part of your caregiving of another or your tending of things in this world. That gift is defined very differently, depending on who you are and what you are doing. 

For example, a person who is a servant of a religion, who does not expect monetary exchange for their giving, will offer their gift, but know that somewhere deep inside, well within their being, the giving is in exchange for acknowledgement at some level, from their God, from their spiritual place that says that that gift was the right thing to do.

Others may not come to you when you give gifts that seemingly are unconditional and only going one direction. There may come an awareness or a knowing that what you have done is enough. You do not need the person or thing or place to acknowledge, but you do what you are doing. You give your gift.

This is interesting as well in that when you keep giving your gift, then you are holding energy of that state of being in a way that brings you into a higher place of acting from your heart, from your consciousness, from your awareness that you are helping. That is an ongoing state of being that becomes you, is you. Well, it already has been in you, but it is becoming an outwardly part of you.  You then become seen as that person with that gift.

Consider another example - a person who sings or plays a musical instrument. This person has what we would call a talent, but it is a gift. Right? This person then shares their gift. Now they could just sing in the shower and no one would know. Or they could sing in a microphone to an audience and everybody would know. Or they could sing on the side of the street, the bucket waiting for coins to be tossed in recognition of their service. There is a gift there that has been offered in various ways.

So what motivates the giving of the gift? That is another part that is actually worth paying attention to.  Let's look at our singer. Is the person singing on a stage because they want adoration, fame, money, or are they singing because they know it brings joy to others and self. 

It is a mutually beneficial moment of sharing with those to whom they are offering their gift. That is interesting. Isn't it? And what about the people who sing in the shower and nobody hears them, but they have this amazing voice. Are they wasting their gift? Perhaps that too where they were given that gift, but it is not used to its full potential, its full opportunity to give joy and basically heal people with their sound.

That is a reflection as well of what it means to withhold our gift. All of us have some sort of gift that we may be holding back from sharing. Then you have others that, like that singer, may desire attention and think that is how you achieve stardom in your life. There may be ego attachment in this.

For example, imagine you are a dancer – yes we are still with the entertainment theme. In this case you are a dancer in shows. What happens if you broke your leg? Would you suddenly not be able to offer that gift of you being a dancer? No, because the gift of you as a dancer is still within you. So perhaps the dancer who no longer can physically dance can become the teacher of dance or the mentor of dancers. You see that does not mean you have to be the dancer, your whole life. It just means that you have a gift that is going to evolve and permeate who you are.

Another one could be a person who is a chef and this chef had 38 years of being a chef and they are now tired. They do not want to stay in the kitchen any longer. They have been given their gift of their cuisine, the love in their food to people at restaurants for those many years. But their time to be in a restaurant is over. The chef sold the restaurant. Somebody else will take over and the chef is retiring. Does the gift of cooking and being a chef go away? No. Does this ‘retired’ chef still share that gift? Of course. But there is still a choice over how to share that gift. 

If this were you, what would be the one that you would choose? Well, there is no one way. There is no right way. There is no only way. This is again is what is so amazing about the gift of you – it is not just one way.

Back to our chef. Let's say that chef loves to teach. Maybe this chef goes off and teaches people. Or maybe the chef has a family and the next or subsequent generation want to come and learn to cook. What this person becomes is the family member passing on the recipes to the next generation. Or maybe in the aftermath of daily cooking emerges a penchant for writing and a desire to put pen to paper for a change. Out of this change the chef produces cookbooks of all the recipes accumulated over the years – creating a legacy with their gift. All of these actions are from the same gift.

So as you can see, there are many ways we experience the gift of you. The question is, what is your gift? Do you know right now what your gift is to others, to you, to our world that we live in? Are you even for the slightest bit aware, possibly have an inkling, have a knowing, have an idea? 

Everybody has something. Your gift is part of you. It is you. And it will come through you, whether you try or do not try, it will come through you. The choice is how you offer this gift to others. The choice is how you actually use your gift.

There is no better gift than another gift. There is no comparison of gifts. Each person has a gift that is their own. That is unique to them. They may share with others a similarity. So if we go back to our artists or our chef, they are not alone in offering that gift of their service. Are they? But they put a little twist on their style. The chef will be a little bit different than another chef. If you went to that chef's restaurant, you would get a very different experience than if you went to another chef's restaurant. And one chef could recreate a recipe that was given to that chef, but then put a little bit something different into it. It will still come out as their gift, not the one they borrowed the recipe from. The dancer can learn the routine of a choreographer, but there still is their flair, artistry and uniqueness that comes through in the dance. Some, because they are so passionate about their gift from a very young age, will become the essence of that gift and will rise to a place where everybody wants to see that gift it is so powerful. Others might think to themselves that every so often it is nice to dance, but just go out occasionally, not all the time. 

On another level consider the gifts that you think you have, but they really are not yours. You could try as much as you want to be the dancer, but have no ability to do that. It is not your gift. You could try to be the singer, but you did not get the vocal chords, style, lung capacity, range or tune you can sing. Everybody can sing. Yes. But the gift of your singing may not be well received by some. It may not be as enjoyed as maybe other gifts that you have to offer.

So what is your gift? How do you know what your gift is?

There are many ways to find out. A simple one is to go into meditation. Not everybody likes meditation or is adept at that skill at this point in time. But many more are getting there. But you could be in a regular practise of meditation and go into a space within yourself and just ask yourself, what is my gift? And then whatever comes to you in your intuitive moment is a good starting point. Then you explore reflectively asking “How does that gift manifest within me? How does this gift come with me?” You could even explore that further in your meditation. You may not actually get an answer the first time. So you might go multiple times to that question and see what happens over a period of time. That is one way.

Now, if you are somebody who needs more evidence who needs something a bit more solid than you might go to some sort of metric that somebody has and see if there is a way to measure your gift, your talent. In such an assessment maybe somebody can tell you on a scale of zero to 10, or other metric, you are very good at this and that. You may not be aware of this insight so receive feedback that awakens you, enlivenes you and maybe creates an ‘aha’ moment where you say, ‘I did not know I could do that’. This is a good way if you can find the right test without administrators using the results or other motives. If you can find one that is not biased or has a motive to get you to the next stage of something for development, then use that one. But again, this is just for some people.

Another way might be to invite and ask those you feel confident with and trust to give you some feedback. What if you asked your friends or your family to tell you what they see in you is your gift?  You can use such language specifically because the questioning will also trigger a questioning within them. Your seeking a view and knowing of your gift will awaken some wonder and curiosity of their own gift. Is not that a good thing to actually trigger in somebody -  curiosity to look for their own gift and wonder what it is they offer. If we each can tune into that, then we expand the number and breadth of people that are out there tuning in and then sharing their gift. If they are passionate and find that it brings them joy, then it brings others joy. It then helps others or heals others, or it soothes others or it excites or enlightens or calms. Every act of the gift that a person offers into this world will be received by somebody out there who needs that gift.

So by you asking others, “Hey, I, have this really interesting exercise I'm doing right now. I'm just going through my own little personal reflection and I wondered if you would be willing to help me. And if you are, would you mind maybe just answering a couple of simple questions about the way you see, perceive or experience me in our interactions.”  When you get the permission from that person, then you say, “okay, well, here's the question I have for you. What do you think the gift is that I give others both unconsciously and consciously? What do you see?” Then they might say something and they will  say, and then you might ask a follow up question and say, ‘so that's the gift you see that I give.  How well am I giving that gift to you and to others? How do you perceive in your worldview that I'm doing that?” And so what you are getting back from others is first what they see that you may not see and second how well you are going at doing that, but not as a skill level, but more as a way of seeing how you are sharing?

For example, someone might not realise that you love singing, but like what they heard you sing in the shower. They might say, ‘well, you know, when we were staying in that hotel the other day, you were singing in the shower, and your voice is so good, I wish you would sing more.” That is your gift, but you do not sing. You might then agree your gift is that you sing. However the other person might reflect back that you are not very good at sharing it because others do not know that you sing and only find out by accident.

Or maybe when you go out with your friends to a party and you relax a bit more, you get to a place or a state where you are more relaxed and you tell some jokes. Then all of a sudden, you are the joke teller of the evening. All in your casual and informal audience are in fits of laughter sitting around you. Later you ask a few from that group ‘what is my gift?’. They say, ‘Oh, your jokes, your humour, you are the funniest person we know. We think this is a great gift because it always lifts us up. When you tell your jokes we feel so much better to have spent the time with you when you have done that.” And you acknowledge their input and ask ‘how well am I going at that?’  They might reply that “you are doing pretty well and they wonder if you do this any other way. 

You might realise you are getting pieces of information. After such self and other enquiry you have an idea of this gift, some feedback. You have a sense of it from yourself, others, your intuition, maybe some evidence-based sources. You have that knowing. But what do you do with it?

Do you suddenly go out tomorrow and say, ‘Oh, because my gift is to sing, I am going to become an opera star? No. There is another process about developing your connection, your awareness, your respect, and your relationship to your gift. Then as you do that, just like you would any other person in the world, you develop that relationship over time. You become comfortable, trustworthy, and ready to go to the next level. In other words you look at your gift as a relationship of love. That is the clue to where to go next. But for now, pause and realise that we all have a gift to share with this world. We are also all at different places within our knowing and our sharing. Yet would not the world be a better place if we all did something more to know and share our gifts with each other?