Collecting Kindness - A Reflection Practice

© Jenn Shallvey

Shared from the recent newsletter - a reflection practice.

Reality today

In our world today the news, comments, people, behaviours may seem heavily weighted in the direction of negativity, hate, harm and acts of unkindness. It can become quite draining to tune in whether intentional or not. Yes there are real examples and daily occurrences that warrant attention and action. But what happens over time is that our energy depletes. We can begin to see the world through quite a negative filter.

Nothing is worse than when we turn this negativity filter on ourselves. For when we do we limit our own selves in our ability to counteract or remedy this broader situation. We succumb and join in the downward spiral. 

Noticing kindness

Yet there are moments every day where kindness does occur. It happens in front of us, or better to us and others. It is all around if we notice.  What it takes is deliberate conscious attention to notice. This is not easy. It is so much easier to let our emotions get in the way and off we go.

Our noticing may also be affected by personality tendencies and cultural expectations to not praise ourselves.  Comments like 'don't get a big head' or judgement you may be conceited or narcissistic. Or it's a misperception that self deprecation is the same as humility.  

Typically the focus is on kindness needing to be shown to others. This is still desired and essential as the world could well do with more. There is also research showing the positive impact on our selves when we act with kindness towards others. Yet what may be missing is the other side of the equation - receiving kindness. Seeking, noticing and receiving kindness is a way to find humility and happiness.  It starts with accepting kindness received and shown to ourselves.  

So I propose a bit of an exercise. It can be fun and challenging at the same time.
 

Collect Kindness

Instead of focusing on when someone is not nice to you look for the specific times and moments in your day when people are kind. It could be anything. The game, should you wish to play, is to notice then collect the moments. Perhaps you make a note on your phone or a small pocket notebook. Maybe you have a photo from the moment to trigger your memory. Whatever you do, it is important to stop at the time you experience the kindness, consciously notice it and then appreciate. You can also return to this kindness vault to revisit the moments and recharge your energy and maybe even faith in humanity.
 

Some personal examples

Just in my last 24 hours I can recount several moments that stood out. For example, I was leaving our driveway and an old couple we know were walking by.  Our conversation was friendly and positive. This couple are resettled from a time and place of much challenge. So their positive attitude and approach to life is always a good reminder. No different today. They only had nice things to say, did not complain about the impact of restrictions. Then offered a kind thought and the comment we all must deal with what is happening and have faith. Maybe this meeting was more an exchange of kindness. Still I paused and held on to the kindness received. 

Another moment occurred when I was told second hand of a conversation about me. It was in praise of me in something that I do. Rather than default to my old pattern of shrugging it off I smiled and really appreciated the acknowledgement. It meant a lot to me and the person sharing. 

On a simpler level. I am one to often bring in the neighbour's bins. Today the favour was returned. It was a nice surprise for which I quickly thanked. Then I went on my walk to the shops happy.

And there at the shops I was reminded again of kindness. The lady checking out my groceries remembered me from the other night. That night I was chased down in the street by three young men who had been behind me in the store. On the surface it seemed strange (you are picturing this right?) until they asked if I had left a wallet in the store. Yes. In the store a kind manager and the smiling checkout lady happily handed it back. 

I know these examples may sound trivial in the scheme of things. Yet for me it is the cumulative effect of a day, week, month, year even lifetime of collecting kindness.  Moments to celebrate and acknowledge so we can bring more of this into our world every day.  The uplift of my energy by feeling and consciously registering the kindness then radiates back out to others I meet.

Kindness collected is one area of life worth accumulating. I makes it even easier to offer it as well.