As human beings we need to assert our position, views and ideas.  It is part of being authentic to say what we think about a situation, an issue or any topic that may arise in a conversation.  To express ourselves is healthy and complete.

Yet how and when we choose our comments is critical.

Speak first party, not third party

It is easy to speak third party language any day. But it is another thing to converse in first party.  What I mean by this is we often can talk about other people when they are not present. We can run through the whole gamut of good and bad in one entire conversation.  The person to which we refer simply remains a cognitive construct, a convenient reference point in the minds of both conversationalists.

Listening to a podcast today I heard an author refer to the Dalai Lama speaking about objective compassion. This expression is one that really stood out to me today on many levels so I share it with you.

What is it?

Most people are acquainted with the concept of compassion. It is a common virtue and often cited in our pursuit of truth and support of others. Definitions commonly refer to the ability of a person to really understand and feel the pain and suffering of another being with the view of alleviating the situation. There is the assumption of action taken in the form of perhaps pity or mercy.

The objective part of the equation adds another dimension. Rather than having a compassionate view that draws us into fixing or rescuing a person from their own learning and experience, we stand apart and allow them their experience. In other words we detach somewhat so that the experience of the other is theirs and not tainted by our judgement and desire to change.