What would I wish for?

Dear Blog Reader

It has been a long time since I started writing on this blog. To be specific it has been almost 10 years. My first blog post was a scary step for me. It was scary back then to express myself publicly and even put my name to words on the internet.

I stop now and reflect. I write here to express as well. But why? Why do I blog? This is not so I can get things off my chest and vent. Not at all. It is so that in some way even the tiniest way I inspire you, the reader, to look inside, see a glimpse of you and be more of you. My intention is to also reveal when I can aspects of my life, sort of learning moments, the not so pretty, glossed over experiences.

Nothing has changed in what I desire as an outcome. I want one thing. Ok maybe a few things. I want people to be real, authentic and genuine in their expression, actions, words and being. I want people to meet each other from a place of realness. I want our exchanges and our dialogues to be real. Why? Because deep down in me I feel that if we want a better world then we need to connect for real.

Reflecting the other day I asked myself a question I have asked a lot over many years.

What do I want right now? If I could wave a magic wand and have one wish what would I want?

My answer? If I could have one wish it would not be for me. It would be for the world to be at peace. If I was given that one wish. I would do what they say in the beauty pageant and ask for world peace.

Exploring further my inner dialogue I then asked why?

I would like to know and genuinely wonder what the world would be like if we were kind and loving to all. I imagine a world where we no longer said one thing and secretly thought another, where we actually checked on how people were going because it mattered not because it is good manners, where we got over ourselves, our bruised egos and damaged personalities and could be with others not our phones, texts and other distractions, where kindness replaced unfounded criticism, where bullies did not win, where standing up for your values and principles was enough to be heard, where self worth was not in doubt, where service to others counted not status, where corruption, deception and manipulation were so rare the words were hardly ever spoken. Wow. That plus much more would be my ‘one’ wish.

I reflected further and felt this to be a grand wish. I also wondered as well is this is wish that I feel I ‘should’ have? Am I layering a complicated view of the real world we live in so I am not judged for being selfish or focusing on me? Or am I an overzealous, idealistic, Pollyanna in search of Utopia? Perhaps both.

So I turned the question a little and asked myself what if I had one wish and it was only possible to apply it to me?

Oh how much more difficult. To genuinely give myself permission to make it about me with no judgement.

When I contemplated further and asked I got my answer. My one wish would be to no longer be afraid. If I could go through the rest of my life fearless in face of anything and everything encountered that would be enough?

Why?

Because if I am no longer afraid then I no longer get in my way, procrastinate nor distract myself. I stop playing it safe. I express myself authentically on a regular basis, not just occasionally, without worry or concern of what others think or the outcome.

Feeling connected and deep in this reflection I then asked myself what if I were given one more wish?

Already primed. I felt an observer part of me see myself as frequently coming from my personality or the way people expect to see me. So my second wish would be for my decisions and actions to 100% come from a place within me that is connected to my soul, heart or whatever you want to call the centre of a spiritual life. For me this is the ultimate wish. I want to follow my soul’s guidance.

I asked again (hey it’s my reflection, right?). If I had another wish what would I want?

I would want everyone else to be comfortable with who they are. To love themselves. To be kind to others. To share. To celebrate life. Yes. I want to see that.

I could have kept going. I have no doubt there are endless wishes that lie within me. I also imagine the same for you.

What I notice about this process for me though are:

I did not wish first for a physical thing, a car, lots of money etc. I did not want something tangible nor external to me. Nothing wrong with these desires. I still have them. I am not prioritising these nor attached to them.
My wishes are ultimately for the benefit of all in that when I receive or experience these outcomes then I am a better person, do more with what I have and truly do operate on a whole different level.
These wishes are partly the same and partly different than the ones I would have asked myself earlier in my life. They reflect a desire to pursue a way of life that is simpler and real. I have always been a person seeking and asking why, what if and how to be more.
I also feel that these wishes have been with me on the personal growth journey and will always be. They are wishes that will never change. So in a way my wishes are like intentions. They are more than wants or desires.
I know what it feels like when wishes seem to come true. I know. I have had peak moments in life where I feel this way. I have also seen others. But I am talking now about sustaining the outcomes of these wishes. Individually and collectively. Hence why I am willing to share publicly in a blog. To dream and imagine a life well lived as they say I feel starts with the willingness to ask yourself questions. Not just any questions, opening and revealing questions.

I invite you with this post to ask yourself the same. Do so in a reflective manner that honours the process. By this I mean give yourself space for genuine contemplation and reflection. Allow yourself to do this. If you find this process challenging to do on your own then I or someone can always help. It is worth the time for you and all of us.

Jenn Shallvey1 January 2018