Care and communication

It’s ok. Right now the world may not seem ok. Yet it’s ok. How can I be so certain that it is ok. Because you are reading this right now. The very fact that you are able to read this right now means that the basic aspects of our world are functioning. You have connection to others. You can send and receive communication.

So pause right now and appreciate connection. Appreciate the magic and power of communication and how it is at the end of your fingertips. That you can read/ listen to what is happening in the world in any given moment.

It is in this moment I want you to simply appreciate connection. Appreciate and know that you are not alone. You are with others in your virtual and real world communities. It is on the contrary amazing. Unbelievable to even contemplate the power of connection. You are connected.

What then matters is how you choose to show up in your connection. Who are you in this world? How do you offer yourself out to the world? How do you project to others. It matters the focus of your attention. It matters the sense you have in side of you for your fellow human beings.

When you start with a filter of judgement even criticism or hate how do you think the connection will go? And likewise if you gullibly listen and take on board what others tell you without any sense of discernment how might that go? Both extremes of connection are devoid of self. They are devoid of a sense of you and your presence in this world. You are not an agent of your own self in this equation.

Thus it matters what you connect to as much as it does to connect. Choose wisely. Choose what lifts you and encourages you to be more of who you are in this world. Steer away from that which shuts you down, makes you feel lesser than others.

There will be uncomfortable and difficult information to digest. This is life. We are in a big world. Yet how you process and choose to engage will be the difference between healthy and unhealthy.

So may I suggest a few ways to travel through your day so you can navigate these times with a bit more grounding and self care? With your permission here are a few ideas…

What might you do to start a day? Well that will depend on your own preferences. You might do some yoga or stretching. You might mediate, set an intention. You might go through a reflection of some type to check in with how you are feeling and then take action to respond to what supports you and what may be getting in the way. Know your self. Know what you can do to shift into a place of positive engagement with you day. Do this consciously before engaging in the outside world - ie before checking emails, reading news etc.

As your day unfolds make wise choices. Be conscious about who you listen to and engage with and how they may or may not trigger reactions in you. Be mindful of your interpersonal relationships and how much of you is present in these. Notice what feels right and does not. Then tweak and adjust accordingly. There are days when you might be firing on all cylinders as they say and others you may just want to crawl back into bed. Know the difference in you and be gentle, and self loving in your response. Find a way to allow yourself to be with these states and then return to balance. Also know when to signal to others you need boundaries. There are a few skills in this type of communication. So start with a genuine and loving intention to avoid escalation. If not possible then step out of the situation for a self reset.

In this sense identify your self care rebalancing toolkit. What can you go to as a practice or process to help you? Without saying what you should do consider ways to change your energy. It might be breathing. It might be physically connecting to the world around you. It might be leaving an environment and going to another.

Likewise create some mental exercises you might go through. Perhaps some mantras of sort to repeat within you. Maybe some internal words you say to yourself. Perhaps there is a favourite image or place you can go to in your mind to be and reset. The key here is navigate your day with ways that help.

When your self initiated ways are not enough ask for help. You are not alone. It often seems like this is the last resort. Sometimes it needs to be the first. Who you ask matters. It really does. Help from a well-meaning person who judges you and tells you what to do is not necessarily help. So be discerning in who you go to and when. Be mindful of their capacity as well of helping you. It might be for small things you can go to one person and for bigger things another. Sometimes you need to get more professional support. That is equally helpful. You just need to take the step of asking. Sometimes half the challenge is to first acknowledge that we need some support. Then the second half is going to get it.

The beautiful thing about being human is we are not alone. We can connect. This connection is what allows us to remember who we are in this world. It is a way to hold a mirror up or reflect back some sense of what it means to be our selves. So connecting is important. When restricted in our means of connecting we need to be creative. Distance is not a barrier. Time is not either. A phone call is at your fingertips.

In times like this it helps to have what I call your inner circle. It means reciprocal support. Checking in both with them and offering support. Doing this consciously may be necessary sometimes. Yet by definition those who are super close to you will be in your thoughts and awareness often so it will become. natural. It does not take much. A text. A note. A call. And when you can connect in person that is the ultimate. But that is not always possible. So it is about connecting in some way not just one way or not.

Flexibility of lifestyle is also in order. Think for example how you adjust your routine when the weather changes. Your exercise routine might involve daily outdoor runs. Do you do something different, change your gear or take a break? Allowing for the change that is out of your control and adjusting becomes a skill and sign of developing your own way to be in balance. So when other aspects of your life shift and change beyond your control you can equally adjust. You take the same attitude and skills and apply.

Emotions still can play a wonderful game with you. With so much happening it is not easy to self manage perfectly 100% of the time. No way. We are human after all. When emotions get to you they need to be processed, released and diffused. Most importantly in a way that is not harmful to anyone. Even our internal thought processes can have a harmful impact without us realising. We may not say something but we may think it. Our behaviour then reflects these thoughts. Subtle. Sometimes more than subtle.

Think outside the box for other ways that work. For example, our family has two cats. We do believe that they have unique personalities. And any pet lover will tell you that their animals are their friends. There is something about the bond. I feel like connecting with animals is a grounding process of feeling unconditional love. Whether petting a dog of someone you meet on a walk, or your own pet, you are engaging with another being. They teach you to respect their space. Too much and there is a quick swipe of the paw. Too little and you are bothered until you pay attention. The lesson here is that others in your world can be the same. Though likely with better self control I hope. Instead of swatting or following you around there will be other behaviours. Paying attention to these will help in connecting.

Overall this post suggests and offers up some ideas for reflection. In real life we learn much along the way. There will be phases in our life when it is about relationships. Then other times when it is about physical self. Ups and downs means emotional work is always in the background. Motivation peaks and wanes so mental techniques help. What matters the most is to find ways that work for you to support you. Over time, not just in one sitting. This post does not even scrape the surface of the worlds of learning and discovery in each of the suggestions above. Take for example just the idea of doing meditation. That is a lifetime practice that you continually refine. Pick physical exercise. What you can do at one age will be different later in life. Adjustment required. Learning required.

No matter what take a moment now to consider this post and do just one thing to look after you and feel better about you, your life right now and how you can be in this world.

Everyone benefits.

Jenn Shallvey18 June 2021